Checking in

Hi everyone,

I hope all of you had a great Holiday! It is hard to believe that I haven't blogged in almost two months.  A lot has happened recently.  Sadly, not much has happened on the weight loss front though!  I have been the same weight for over 3 months.  I was definitely too tight & had some fluid taken out two weeks ago.  I am still feeling like I am too tight & keep going after the slider foods.  This is not a good thing!  I started a new job on November 22nd.  I was hired by a competing Auto Dealership as a Controller.  This new job is keeping me extremely busy!  I love the job & the people I work with.  It is such a different culture than the Dealership I worked at previously.  Changing jobs was a very good decision for me!  It is so hard to believe the New Year is upon us!  I wish all of you the best of health and hapiness in 2011 & I really miss blogging and will try to check in more often.

I'm not sure if you remember this post: http://db1119.blogspot.com/2010/01/our-last-fat-christmas.html

This was about a month before our surgeries.  DH & I were hoping we would see a big change in ourselves by this Christmas.  Well,  you be the judge:



12/25/2009



12/25/2010



Some Things DH Said

Here are some things my DH has said to me lately.  I really need to pay attention and listen to what he is saying...believe what he is saying is true...

"You're beautiful" ( said out of the blue at the Dr's office)

"I'm REALLY gonna miss you" (he's leaving for a hunting trip tomorrow)

"You're Smart - don't sell yourself short - they need you more than you need them" ( his pep text to me before 2 job interviews I had this week).

"I will support you in whatever you decide" (my decision to return to school after 27 years).

Simply said - "You look nice" - (he tells me almost everyday)

"I Love You"  (several times a day and after every phone call)

There are a few other *blush* things I can't really share too.

These are things I need to focus on when I start feeling down about myself.  I am really going to try.

My BFF



On the Beach at the Jersey Shore

Meet my BFF.  We have been friends for about eight years.  I hired her to assist part time with some office work at my current employer's place of business.  Little did we know we would become fast friends.  We are very much opposites in many things.  I love bright colors, while she is a true black, white & brown type of girl.  She has her own Harley (I affectionately call her Scoot - short for Scooter trash), I would never ride on anything with less than four wheels.  She is athletic and played on a Men's softball team.  I do not have one ounce of coordination in my whole body and really don't like sports of any kind. She is very outgoing and makes friends very quickly. I am rather quiet and reserved.  It takes me a LONG time to warm up to people.  She is divorced and does not have kids.  I have been married for over half my life to the same man and am a Mom to two lovely girls.  She has tattoos, I do not.  Despite all the differences we are BFF's.  We have the same silly sense of humor & "get" each others stupid jokes & antics.  We both have weight issues, although Scoot can diet & exercise to get into shape - me- not so much.  We both love to shop together even though our tastes in clothing are not quite the same.  We take an annual trip for "girl's weekend" to the beach.  Last year we went to Vegas for 4 days instead of the beach - We had a blast!  She is my "person".  She does not judge, she just listens.  We are different, but we are the same.  She is the sister I never had.

Guess What I'm Wearing??

Tall.Black.Boots. – Normal size – Not extended calf! That is a real NSV for me. I love boots and even the extended calf sizes did not fit me before I lost weight! I took a few pictures (in the bathroom at work – lol) to give you an idea of what they look like.



I weighed in at 172.8 today. I feel good about that. I am very tight and am having trouble eating a lot of foods right now. I am beginning to wonder if there is a correlation between the epidural steroid injections I am getting for my back and band tightness?


DH is upset with me for all of the shopping I am doing lately. He can’t understand why I am buying clothes when, in his words, they won’t fit when you lose another 10 pounds. Well, I think I’ll be ok. I am in a large top & size 14 bottoms – they should fit for a while. I am not one to drop sizes too quickly.

The company I work for is in BAD financial shape. I am very well paid and I will not find another job in my area that pays as well or offers the same level of benefits – there’s just nothing available. I have decided to ride it out. I am sure I will show up one day and the doors will be bolted shut. Either that or they will tell me that they need to let me go. So my plan is to go back to college. I met with admissions and plan on starting in January. I am scared – can I still do this? We’ll see. I never finished college. I do not have a college degree. I have a great deal of experience and have attended seminars and completed certificate programs with our local chamber of commerce. I am afraid that with today’s economy employers will not even consider me without the degree. So that is my plan – I am going to enroll in a Business Administration transfer program at our local community college.  If the stars align just right I will receive my Associate's degree at the same time my DD receives her Master's.  I would not have had the courage to do this pre-band. Wish me luck.
Have a great week everyone.

YOU THINK I'D BE MORE EXCITED

I have lost 65 pounds since January.  Awesome, right?  Yes. it is a significant loss, yet I am not as exceited as I thought I would be.  I love the band and could not have lost this weight without it. I just feel like, holy shit, I lost 65 pounds and I am STILL overweight.  I STILL need to think about the weight constantly.  How did I ever get this heavy?  Why did I let myself go like this?  I should be happy & I'm not.  It's such an uphill battle & I want to be at the finish line already.  I am not happy with my body or my looks and yet I know I have improved by leaps & bounds in those areas.  I still see a fat person when I look in the mirror.  My belly still looks big to me.  How can that be after losing this much weight?  I should feel good about myself & 80% of the time I do.  But there is that 20% that really hits me hard & makes me feel like I am not ever going to be thin & beautiful.  Sorry, just having one of those days...

I Think it was a flu bug!

Thanks everyone for your kind words & advice. 


I am feeling somewhat better today.  No nausea, but I am still a bit tight. I was able to eat breakfast & lunch without a problem.  I did have some diarrhea this morning & yesterday. (sorry if TMI).  I honestly think it's some kind of bug - yuck!


I am weighing in at 174.6 - 63 pounds down today - I don't recommend losing weight this way by any means - but at least there is a bright side - right?

I feel awful!

Not sure what is going on.  DH & I went to dinner on Friday night.  I had some salad, steak, baked potato & a few bites of a broiled crab cake.  I went home & had TERRIBLE pain in my chest - felt like gas pain.  I did not PB - just had the pain.  

Saturday - Felt a little better - still had some pain.  Took DD Emily shopping.  We went to lunch & I had a few bites of Chicken Tortilla soup & felt pain & nauseous.  Then had a few bites of salad & started sliming.  I did not PB.  We shopped a little more & I felt worse.  I told Emily we had to go home.  I PB'd in a bag as I was driving home - Lovely!  Emily was a trooper through it all.  I went home & laid down - I felt totally wiped out & had pain in the upper right side again.  I ate some ice cream later & it stayed down. I still felt like I was going to vomit for the rest of the night.

Sunday - woke up & felt a bit better.  I ate a few spoonfuls of soup.  I made veggie pizza & ate a piece - it was tight going down, but it stayed in.  Later I had a handful of well-chewed peanuts - I got this horrible nauseous feeling & pb'd them.  I had a popsicle - that went down ok.  Tried another piece of veggie pizza - could only eat a few bites & felt sick - slimed a bit later & had bad stomach pain when I went to bed. 

I woke up today feeling like I have a stomach bug.  I am so nauseous. I drank some coffee & water and am now eating a 100 calorie pack of Lorna Doone's just to get some food in me.  I have no desire to eat.  Food turns my stomach right now.  I see my doctor on Friday for a scheduled visit. If things do not improve today, I will call him.  

Could I have gotten extremely tight over night?  Not sure if maybe steak got stuck on Friday?  Maybe it is a flu bug?  All I know is I feel like crap!