You know the Tim McGraw song. That’s my new mindset…sort of. No, I’m not dying and I definitely do not want to go Sky Divin’ or Rocky Mountain climbin’ -lol. But I am trying to Love Deeper & Talk Sweeter for sure. You see, as corny as this may sound, this band is a new lease on life for me. A –New- Fresh - Start.
I feel many changes in myself since getting the band and they are not all physical. I have become more patient and calm. I have also noticed that I am much more emotional; I feel things more now. Maybe because I am not pushing away the feelings with food?
A little background on me: I am very much a home body. I like it that way and I am very content just being alone. I am happy staying in my fortress and never having to leave – I like spending time with my family more than anything. I am not one to pick up the phone & call someone out of the blue & though I have a few close friends, I find it hard to stay in touch. You see, I feel awkward in social situations. I have a lot of anxiety when I make plans & go places, even if its something fun that I really want to do. I have IBS & always get flare ups when we vacation or do something new. It’s a horrible way to live and I desperately want to change this. I kinda feel a bit of courage now to do it.
So, back to some of the changes I am making: I made a list of things I want to do this summer; places I want to go & things I want to see. Usually, I let DH come up with things to do & I just follow along. So this is a really big step for me. I feel like I can be more social now for some reason. For most of my life I’ve had a little voice in my head telling me things like “you’re not good enough” “you don’t fit in” “why would anyone want to talk or hang out with you”:. I am really damaged in that way & as a result I don’t reach out to others. There was a period of 10 years where I totally withdrew from my brothers & their families. It was soon after my Mom died & I just completely shut down. Can you imagine? There was no reason for my behavior - I just withdrew & lost 10 years.
I am now trying to believe I am a worthy friend and great wife. I am trying to change. I will take one step at a time & see how it goes. I will most certainly Love Deeper & Talk Sweeter on the way. Wish me luck.
Dawn, I love this post. And I love the pictures you posted... it's awesome to see the progression of happiness on your face... amazing...
ReplyDeleteDawn we are sooo much alike. I am also very content being by myself. Most of my favorite activities are just me and the puppy. Heck even responding to emails can be hard let alone calling or god forbid just stopping by.
ReplyDeleteMy parents used to say I got "fun-itis" since every time we went somewhere I actually made myself sick. When my gallbladder was taken out I started getting symptoms like IBS. It was awful so I completely understand on that front too. Luckily for me that has mostly gone away with the weight loss, but I am sitting here thinking about the training I am going to in a couple hours and my stomach is churning.
I came up with my list a little while ago and think it is an awesome idea!! I thought of the song when I was doing it too. I almost put down sky diving, but just couldn't do it. I do have rock climbing though :)
I kind of got a little sniffly there. What a great idea...it's amazing how much life changes- good or bad- with the band. You're doing so good. I really look up to you and hope I can be as successful as you :)
ReplyDeleteWow, you nailed some of my behavior too! I've done the bare minimum to keep friends and family in my life over the last ten years. I just stay at home and enjoy things that keep me out of public view. I haven't been miserable or anything, but I know it's not the right life for me.
ReplyDeleteLately, I've felt so energized. I even have been contemplating going back to school! This is something I would have never considered a couple of months ago! I would have never put myself out there like that.
It feels great, doesn't it? Getting out from behind all this fat that took over our brains. Let's take baby steps and get our life back together!
Oh my little DB - no wonder you liked my post today. And yah - I do get it. You can do this - we'll do it together and we'll be unstoppable. Be well...my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are making positive changes in your life. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteGood post Dawn - I totally understand a lot of what you're saying. It's sad how we hold ourselves back from things, but it's great we are changing that.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing really well and congrats on 50lbs down. You look great!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of a list and making small changes is a great way to chnage but slowly so it can be maintained. I love my family heaps too and spending time with them is my no 1 too.
ReplyDeleteI love to be alone too-- my mom observed this in me as a teen, I just liked to go a brood in my room. Love books and solitude, but am a very social person too!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your weight loss and thx for all the great comments.
Keep up the GREAT work!!
I love your post! I like the idea of your list! I am totally into lists and to-do lists!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work and congratulations on your weight loss!
Way to go!
Great post.
ReplyDelete50 lbs is awesome and I can't wait to be just like you.